Harry Potter and the Adult Adventure Series
by Blitzstrahl
Summary: Rita Skeeter wanted to cash in on Harry's fame wrote a series for adults, this is the start.
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter and the Adult Adventure Series**

**(written by Rita Skeeter)**

**Disclaimer. **J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter franchise. No copyright infringement intended. No Profit made.

AN: After a few people asked for it in PM's, after reading "Epilogue 19 years later: In which the good guys won bigger" specifically the part about Rita Skeeter cashing in on Harry's fame by writing a adult series on him... AU, Humor, Parody, Lime, Rated : M for overall safety, Horror: On Harry's behalf.

Sitting at his breakfast table in the lord's seat at Potter Manor, with his bushy haired wife was none other than the Boy-Who-Lived, Man-Of-Destiny, Wizard-Who-Vanquished, one of two wielders of the sword of Gryffindor in the last age, Order of Merlin 1st class twice, starting seeker for England National and in line for his first world cup appearance after a "Perfect Season," and Father of a ten month old son, Harry James Potter was eating and feeling at peace with the world.

Harry glanced over to his right; sitting in the seat was Hermione, naturally reading a book. Harry couldn't stop the amused snort that came from his mouth as he read the title of the book,

_Nothing Will Were-me Down, My Life as a Stylish Wolfie-girl,_ By Lavender Brown.

Harry leaned in closer to read the back side of the cover jacket and read, _"Foreword written by Remus Lupin. Photography provided by Harem Lord Colin Creevey."_

Blinking owlishly Harry did indeed recall that some English Draculina named Seras had bitten and turned Colin into a vampire, and that Colin used his new found nether prowess to seduce no less than 21 witches at the moment into Magical Britain's first harem since 1669.

Harry thoughts turned to what everyone was up to four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, and said softly,

"Hmm, we won big and life is good."

Hearing her husband speak Hermione looked up from the book with pink cheeks, she had just finished reading chapter 69 where Lavender recounted losing her vaginal and anal virginity at the same time to the Weasley twins the night of their bachelor party.

Her eyes again being drawn to the naughty parts.

"_...Oh it was brilliant, two 10 inch long 4 inch thick man-wands thrusting into me..." _

"_...I looked over to Parvati, and lol! Omg! She was getting shagged by Lee Jordan.." _

"_...Lee was really hitting Parvy's spots or something cause, when Parvy came she totally_

_squirted! And it was a lot too! Like, you know, she projectiled her girl-cum..Lee was soaked! All the way up to his chin!" _

"_...I knew Parvati let Dean deflower her back in third year and how she shagged Harry after the Yule ball in fourth*, so I knew it wasn't her first time like myself but still!"_

"What's that dear?" she asked Harry her cheeks glowing red.

"Oh just thinking how great everything thing is now, and how I haven't been broody in ages, or felt the need to angst about anything at all."

"Yes dear," Hermione said with a fond smile. Once again her eyes where drawn to the sordid details

"_...Yeah, so then Lee was buggering my arse like a champ, while the twins are cheering him on..."_

"_...Seamus and Neville where totally drunk at this point, Seamus was bragging that his willy was most likely bigger so what does Neville do? I was shocked! Nevile drops his pants while hollering something about putting the sword to shame and lo' and behold everyone, Neville whips out his 14 inch god-of-cocks.."_

Hermione catching a glint of movement out of her eye, looked towards the open bay window.

"Oh look dear, Hedwig's bringing in the morning post" She said as the snowy owl flew in and alighted on her perch.

Harry stood and walked over to his familiar and removed the post, taking a moment to stroke her feathers.

"Hedwig thank you, and bacon's on the table" Sitting back down Harry began reading the various post. "Hmm, Padfoot begging me to take over the Black Wizengamot seat again"

"Oh really, that man needs some responsibility in his life" Hermione snorted in derision.

"Yeah well it's Padfoot after all" Harry said dismissively. Putting down the letter Harry noticed how red in the face Hermione was, wondering if she was ok Harry asked "Alright there 'Mione?"

"Yes! Now finish your post. I'm reading!" Hermione responded a bit loudly.

"_...We never did find out why Romilda charmed Neville's hair black or his eyes green, but like you know Neville took a turn on her, and Faye, Hanna, Susan, myself totally! and Parvati, and even her sister the total prig Padma with that god-cock.."_

"_...Dean was shagging Parvati. And at this point I was rather sore lol! But watching Seamus bugger Padma, while Romilda was having her fourth turn with Neville, I was getting all wet and like needy anyways! ...But the twins had passed out, Lee was slumped over the bar table and Susan and Hannah were licking each others cunnys. And, like, you know, Harry while looking dashing in his England National Quidditch Robes was too much of a sweetheart to stray from Hermione. Then I noticed poor Colin the only bloke that hadn't had a shag sober or drunken, the whole night! And like remember this was a good seven months before he got all nether-sexy from being a vampire..."_

"_...Colin had so much energy! What bloke can shag four times in a row without needing a break?...to get hard again?...or without the stamina potion the twins had been passing out!" _

Taking a deep and calming breath, Hermione set the book down and began sipping her tea, willing her cheeks to cool down.

"Oh, a note from Hagrid" Harry said. "All of Hedwig's chicks are starting they're owl post training" well that's neat Harry thought. "Oh look a post card from Ron." Harry said, missing the sneer on Hermione's face at the mention of the red haired menace. "It seems he failed his ninth try-out for the Chudley Cannons" Harry told Hermione. Hermione couldn't stop herself from laughing harshly. "Hermione?" Harry asked perplexed.

"Oh nothing Harry." Looking at the book again she had a thought.

"Harry you know, you never told me something."

"I can't think of a single thing about me you wouldn't know of" Harry said, looking at Hermione. Smiling, Hermione continued.

"Well, who and when was your first shag?"

Harry's eyes going wide, blurted out, "It was Katie Bell."

"Oh?" Hermione verbally nudged Harry to continue, and he obliged.

"..er, well, in third year when Gryffindor finally won the Quidditch cup, we were celebrating in the locker rooms when Oliver's girlfriend comes running in and set a box of potion phials down, grabbed Oliver, and dragged him into the captains private showers"

Flashback :

_Angelina bent down to examine the phials and laughed as Harry watched._

"_Oh look everyone" Angelina said, holding up a phial that contained a shimmering blue liquid. "Contraceptive Potions!" She giggled. "How about it George? I've been wanting my first shag for awhile you know" Angelina finished with a bright smile on her mocha skinned face._

"_Oh she has you know, I've caught her diddling her pussy fives times so far after I told her how me and Fred have been shagging, muttering your name George." Alicia the Hindi witch said rather smugly, while grabbing Fred's robes and dragging him to a shower stall with a phial in hand._

_Harry, whose thirteen year old hormones where hollering in jealousy, could only stare at the turn of events, his face so red it might as well have been outright on fire, missing the flashes of lights from the shower stall as Alicia put up various privacy and space expansion charms._

_His attention was drawn back to Angelina's hopeful face as she asked George again. _

"_Well George gonna man up?" _

"_...I really want to, you know" _

_Harry noticed how nervous Angelina was getting as she started to fidget with the contraceptive_ _phial. Harry jumped, startled, when George shouted. _

"_By the first wand of Circe herself YES!" And he ran over to Angelina, picking her up and carrying her to the shower stalls as Angelina laughed in joy._

"_Oh my, how very fast everything escalated eh Harry?" a soft voice spoke next to Harry. Harry jumped, startled again, having forgotten Katie was next to him the whole time. Harry could only stare wide eyed at Katie, unable to say anything at all._

"_Harry, you ok?" Then Katie giggled "Oh Harry, you're still a virgin right?"_

_Red-faced, Harry managed a "ghhghmm"_

"_Harry?" Katie asked trying not to laugh. "Well Harry, I thought after the whole Parselmouth thing, that at least a few of the better looking Slytherin girls would have asked for some flower-licking at the very least you know?"_

_Taking a deep breath, To steady himself , Harry responded. _

"_Well I did notice a lot of the witches from Slytherin watching me, but I never... er... did anything naughty." Harry concluded with a blush. _

"_Oh Harry, you're untouched!, how sweet" Katie said, while wrapping Harry in a hug. _

"_Harry, you know I'm in the year ahead of yours right?" Katie whispered hotly into Harry's ear. _

"_...Yes," Harry choked out, rather enjoying the warm hug. _

"_Well Harry, listen, I've had my first time already and if you want I'll holster your man-wand." Katie said with a lusty tone. She began licking and nibbling Harry's ear_.

End Flashback

"Well Hermione, there you have it." Harry said.

"Katie was right, you know." Hermione said.

"About what?" Harry asked.

"Well a lot of us witches assumed, I guess, that you where having fun with the Slytherin witches from fourth through seventh year."

"Well I didn't. Katie was rather accommodating the rest of term." Harry said with a laugh "And that was it for me and sex, till the Quidditch World cup, where Ginny gave me a blow job a few times before and after the match, and till start of term at the Burrow."

"Oh well I knew about her doing that to you of course" Hermione answered.

"Did she tell you about her and Luna?" Asked Harry.

Hermione took a few moments to think.

"Well, I do not recall anything, But I am not to surprised, considering what we've done with our favorite moon pixie" Hermione said to Harry.

"That night after the sorting feast and all that in fourth year, Ginny asked to use the cloak so she could go get Luna. I thought nothing of it, that is until Ginny and Luna surprised me while I was taking my shower. Pretty much I gave Ginny her first shag, the funny part was Luna was to go next, but then Neville walked in." Harry blushed while he told Hermione.

"I don't know if you know this, but Neville is rather large, you know down there in the trouser area" Harry said. Hermione glanced at Lavender's book and responded.

"Oh, I've got a idea. I heard things about it, never saw anything myself."

"Well anyways Luna took one look at him naked, looked at my semi-hard cock slick with Ginny's juices and says. 'Hmm, Harry your Wand of virtue removing +1 is nice, but I want Neville's Hymen annihilator of might +2.' "

Harry and Hermione both started joyously laughing at this.

"Oh! That's our Luna alright!" Hermione gasped out. Hermione stood up. "I'm going to check on James, I'll return in a few minutes." Harry smiled lovingly at Hermione at the mention of their ten month old son.

As Hermione walked out of the dining room, she passed the guest reception area when the Floo flared in green flames, indicating the arrival of approved guest. She watched as two red haired witches stumbled out of the Floo drawing wands and vanishing the Floo dust.

"Hello, Ginny and Demelza!" Hermione called out in greeting.

" 'lo Hermione," Ginny returned.

"Hi, Hermione," responded the always cheerful Demelza Robbins.

"Where's Harry at the moment?" Ginny asked Hermione.

"Oh, he's in the dining room, going through the morning post he received" Hermione told the Holyhead duo.

"Oh good. He'll want to be sitting when he sees this" Demelza said waving what Hermione knew to be a book still in its shipping wrapping.

"Well I'm going to tend to James, then I'll join everyone at the table."

"Okay," the two Harpies said at the same time as they dashed off down the hall.

Harry had just finished reading a report about the 2nd string seeker from his team captain and opened Luna's letter, when he looked up with a start, because the door slammed open and Ginny and her friend Demelza dashed to the table.

"Harry, good!" Ginny said. "You need to see this." Ginny indicated a wrapping package in Demelza's hands. Demelza hopped over the chair and sat directly on the table and handed the package to Harry. Harry was distracted for a moment at the sight of Del's silky knickers as her skirt raised and settled.

Harry took a few more seconds before taking the package from Del's hands, missing the look that the two Harpies gave each other. A look that said, " '5 galleons says he _Bombarda's_ the book,' 'you're on!' "

Finally unwrapping the package Harry stared in dread and mounting horror as the title was revealed. _'Harry Potter and the Almighty Arousal of Moaning Myrtle,' authored by Rita Skeeter : Part one of seven of the new Harry Potter Adventure (adult series)._

"MERLINS REEKING ARSE CLEFT! WHAT IS THIS?!" Harry shouted.

AN 2: In my universe Harry and even most of the HP cast, didn't have the, I'll say 'social interaction problems' they had in canon. Harry wasn't crippled by being nigh-antisocial. He had more than two friends and such. Hermione, still brilliant had her dreams come true when everyone liked her for it.

Neville has a hammer in his pants that came with innate confidence lol.

*The Yule Ball, Hermione in her typical and loved fashion organized her friends the outfits worn, who went with who. For the Curious:

Harry went with Parvati, they had fun and sex after. Much to the amusement of the group.

Seamus went with Lavender, Seamus got drunk, Lavender made off with a french wizard.

Dean went with Fay Dunbar, they dated for a while.

Ron went alone and drunkenly made off with Eloise Midgen, and sucked off Draco, something Slytherin never let Ron forget-ever...

Hermione went with her at the time boyfriend, Ravenclaw Terry Boot. She chose that night for her first time with Terry. It was great! They would stay a couple till that summer when Terry doubted Harry about the return of Voldemort.

Neville took Ginny. They had sex too after. Which turned into a mini-orgy when the two where joined by Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones, who found the empty classroom they where in.

Demelza went with a visiting Oliver Wood. Oliver was a perfect gentlemen.

Luna went with a French Witch.

AN 3: A Big thank's to Gandalf's Beard, for the beta work he did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 : Harry Potter Adult Adventure Series**

**AN:** _Disclaimer in Chapter one, No sorry I won't do Lemon, All you'll get is Lime and Diet Lime at that. I go for naughty and funny rather than written porn._

As Harry stared in morbid fascination at the book, his eyes wide in fright, Ginny indulged in a bit of nosiness, picked up Luna's Letter from the table and read, desperately trying not to shout in laughter at the opening, drawing Demelza's attention who leaned over and read too.

_Dear Wizard with that good dick, also know as Harry Potter. And that witch that gets my mating orifice twitching in delight, also know as Hermione Potter._

_I find myself in Japan at this time. I was recruited by the local Aurors on recommendation from the ICW security conclave. It seems some enterprising alchemist crossbred a Venomous Tentacula with a Dire-Squid. Then if that wasn't enough, she transfigured the tentacles into...prehensile 24 inch penises and called it Neo-Cthulhu. Did I mention each 24 inch prehensile penis is ribbed for pleasure and that each Neo-Cthulhu has 13 of them? _

_Oh! And they can levitate. Anyways, it seems the alchemist was serial violated by all 17 of the Neo-Cthulhu she created for 72 hours straight, and just shrugged it off! Saying to me "Oh Moon-chan it's just a occupational hazard ~nya"._

_Well it seems according to the report I was given, that the things like to hide in Japanese schools and ambush the schoolgirls, Muggle or Magical. The victims are noted as being "Not all that mad about it." It seems sentient penis monsters deflowering schoolgirls is a shockingly common event in Japan._

_How very interesting don't you think Mr. Good-Dick? So I'll soon join the expeditionary force to track and capture them, hopefully I'll sneak one away for myself. Well, till my next letter... _

_Bye~Bye._

"Well isn't that something, eh Ginny?" Demelza said still leaning over Ginny's shoulder, pretending not to notice the pleasant shiver from her fellow Harpy Chaser. Demelza's breath hit Ginny's neck.

Hiding a smirk, Demelza turned to Harry who was still staring at the book.

"Hmm, Ginny, has Harry moved at all in the last five minutes?" Del asked Ginny. Ginny had been reading a sales report from the twins about the quarterly earnings from the twin's shop meant for Harry. She looked up and elegantly said in response "Heh?"

Del just laughed and asked,

"Oh, what's got you distracted?"

Ginny just passed the letter to her friend in response. Demelza took a look at it.

"Oh my...110,559 galleon profit 44,100 over estimated projections..."

"Well Ginny, we all knew the twins have Lee and Percy operating the French shop in DuPont Alley." Demelza said in a awed voice.

The Holyhead duo jumped in surprised when Harry shouted.

"Dobby!"

And with a pop the excitable elf chirped in high squeaky voice.

"Wonderful Harry is calling for Dobby?"

"Yes." Harry replied, "A bottle of Firewhiskey please." and with a pop the elf vanished and a bottle and 4 glasses appeared on the table.

Demelza noted to herself in amusement that Harry tracked her movements as she adjusted her position sitting on the table.

"Oho, he's been getting a freebie lookie at my knickers the whole time" she thought to herself. Glancing over to Ginny and the Whiskey, she thought "Oh this can turn into a fun morning. Well as long as Hermione is cool with it. Like I hope. She will be if I've read her right."

Just then Hermione walked back into the dining room, looking rather frazzled. Harry looked at her.

"Okay, Hermione?"

"Oh, just James having a bit of accidental magic, nothing to worry about" she told her husband.

"Oh, was it like that time when he transfigured Tonks into a 5 foot Giraffe?" Harry asked with a smile.

"No, rather, James seemed to think controlling his urine as I was changing out his nappies was a grand idea to his baby mind" Hermione said with a embarrassed tint to her voice. "He chased me with it around his room, took me 5 minutes to get my wand in hand and vanish it" Hermione continued.

Hermione's cheeks went red, as Harry, Demelza, and Ginny laughed good-naturedly.

Giving in to her curiosity, Hermione grabbed the book in front of Harry and looked at it's cover paling a bit as realization light her face.

"What in the world?" she asked those present in the room.

Harry took the book from Hermione's limp hands.

"Yeah, I don't know 'Mione"

"Idea!" Demelza said excitedly.

Everyone turned there attention to the witch and watched as Demelza hiked her skirt up and pulled down her knickers. Harry went red faced, Ginny gasped in surprise, and Hermione just raised a eyebrow. Demelza then flicked her wand activating the charms on the plates and the remaining food, removing them from the table. She positioned herself in front of Harry, legs spread, kitty fully exposed to the wiry seeker.

Leaning back and resting on her elbows, she then said,

"Well Harry's been traumatized, so I'll cheer him up with my awesomeness"

Hermione, who was no stranger to some playtime with a fellow witch merely asked,

"And how is teasing Harry with your lady business going to do that?"

"Well," Demelza said, locking eyes with the brilliant witch, "What can't a bit of pussy not cure?"

Ginny was staring with a shocked look, not following what was going on. She got rather turned on however when Demelza started touching herself.

Harry uncapped the Firewhiskey and poured himself a double shot. He took a moment to admire the glowing amber liquid and Demelza's slowly glistening quim, and looked to Hermione to confirm that this was indeed happening. He downed the shot in one gulp.

Hermione noted how Harry's eyes kept jumping from the book to Demelza's antics and her own eyes, and watched the emotions of fear, lust, and confusion dance in his emerald eyes.

"Well, Harry and I don't mind some playtime with a friend." Hermione said drawing Harry's full attention.

"Well...er, it's just been Luna being Luna before" Harry said his face turning red admitting to the fact.

Ginny stared at the married couple.

"So if I have an urge, you wouldn't mind me coming to Harry...to cum?" Ginny asked playfully.

"Well, I'd be getting to play too, you know!" Hermione responded with a smirk.

"Hey! I'm the one with her knickers off, and silky thighs spread here!" Demelza giggled.

"Well my rule is simple, Harry and I don't play with someone else unless the other is also in the room. Even if it's just been with Luna before." Hermione told the Harpy duo.

After several rounds of shots and half the bottle of Firewhiskey was drunk, she turned to the book while Ginny stripped and Harry's Parseltongue sent Demelza into her first blissful release.

Opening the book, Hermione began to read.

"_...The twelve year old uber-mage-in-training, Harry James Potter was two months into his second year of schooling having slain a troll, saved a brilliant Muggleborn witch's purity and gained a love-bond submissive slave in that same Muggleborn with that act. The-miracle-wizard, however was growing rather impatient as he had yet to engage his savior might in righteous battle at all!" _

"_Why, just the preceding term by this time, he had dueled and vanquished a junior death eater! The-boy-who-lived turned to the green and silver clad inbreeds and smirked as he noticed the absence of the blond haired ponce who had dared declare himself better. 'Blasted the pampered prince arse into dust' Harry thought to himself..."_

Hermione could only groan in annoyance.

"The whole book, is going to be like this" Hermione complained to herself. Flipping through dozens more pages, she stopped and continued to read.

_Chapter 37 "Rule 63"_

"_The Basilisk hadn't had a mating season in...well, never, the eldritch beast thought to itself. Yet this man-wizard-barley, a whelping, is rutting several females in my inferior lord's chamber. Wait, what? Since when did the Dastardly Basilisk think Salazar inferior to Godric's blood? _

_Well, the dreaded king of serpents thought in its slimy mind, my lord was chased from the castle, and it was 930 years later his blood shows up and he was a half-blood born from a squib female and a Muggle sire! This boy, I sense his magic is rival to Merlin, I smell Godric Gryffindor, and a Peverell in his veins. I'll have him for myself! _

_The Basilisk called upon his horrid magic and reverse-animagused into a man-wizard standing 7ft tall 300 pounds of rippling muscle with a 20 inch cock standing at attention, tip dripping dewy beads of excitement._

_The man-snake then removed his disillusion charm and aimed it at the boy-who-lived who had just made the crimson haired slim witch climax for a 2nd time. The man-snake cock pulsed in a vile manner as it glowed and hit the hero-of-us-all with a swirling vortex of light shocking him and the 4 witches present in the chamber with him. When the evil sorcery subsided, lo' and behold our savior was now a witch..."_

Slamming the insipid book closed for the moment, Hermione took a deep breath, poured a shot of Fire whiskey, and took notice that Harry was positioning his heir-maker at Demelza's dripping and slick witch's-slit. Meanwhile, Ginny seemed to be settling to straddle Del's face. Hermione watched with her own libido growing as Del's tongue darted out of her mouth and into Ginny's moist flower.

Hermione swore she felt Harry's and Demelza's groans of pleasure vibrate in her skull as Harry sheathed himself in Del on the dining room table and started a fast paced shag. The bookworm's cheeks flared red as she admired the way Harry's arse flexed with each trust into the Harpy.

With a startled laugh, she noticed Sirius Black standing at the door to the dining room, pumping his fists and cheering Harry on.

"Yea, Yea, That's the way of it! Pronglets getting it done before noon! Ah, Harry, if Lily could see this, she'd be doing the mother's 'My son is so manly dance.' " The Dogfather stopped his antics when he saw Hermione staring at him.

"Well, I wanted to show Harry this new book about him, but I see he knows about it already, and is rather occupied." Sirius told Hermione.

Hermione, red faced, could only laugh at this.

"Oh Sirius I don't even think they've noticed you at all. So Sirius how are the kids?" Hermione asked, desperately trying to ignore the three-way going on a mere foot from her.

"Heh?" Sirius responded, his attention on his godson as Harry flipped Demelza over and slid into her arse, and as Ginny slumped over in a daze.

"Oh Sirius James, Regulus Jr., and Hermione Cassiopeia, are starting to show accidental magic now that they are over 7 months old." Sirius fondly told Hermione. "And, Oh..." Sirius barked out. "My Veela triplet wives are even pregnant again!" Sirius finished smugly.

"Oh how wonderful Sirius!" Hermione squealed in delight at the news.

Hermione pulled out a notebook from her pockets.

"Lets see, that's James Sirius Potter 10 months old, Sirius James, Regulus Jr., and Hermione Cassiopeia Black 7 months old, Edward "Teddy" Lupin 4 years old, Victoire Weasley 2 years old, Dominique Weasley 9 months old, and Fleur is 5 months pregnant again." Flipping a page Hermione continued. "Roxanne, Gideon, and Fabian Weasley each 2 years old. Rather funnily enough, Fred and George aren't even sure who got who pregnant amongst Katie, Alicia, and Angelina!" Hermione, and Sirius just laughed at this.

"It's the twins,what do you expect?" Harry grunted as he sat slumped in his chair fully naked, dripping sweat and girl-cum. Ginny had just put her knickers and bra back on and was drinking some tea, as Demelza cooed nonsense, high off her post-coital bliss.

"Well now onto business." Sirius said drawing 3 letters from his cloak and tossing them on the table.

Hermione noted the the wax seals. One bore the gold crown icon over a E letter, the logo of Harry's Quidditch team, England National. The other two letters matched with an avian claw grasping two H letters. The emblem of Ginny's, and Demelza's Holyhead Harpies.

Hermione's thoughts went to the moment Harry very first announced he went pro.

Flashback:

_Hogwarts school of witchcraft, and wizardry, great hall lunch time. Hermione was sitting with Dean Thomas as they had lunch discussing the plans to go into the DMLE after completing the 'Honorary 8th year' that had been offered to the D.A. Members, and Muggleborn students. Hermione had just been finishing her salad when the double doors to the great hall blew open and Sirius walked in, waving his wand and sending fireworks charms exploding all over the hall as the younger years cheered the display. _

"_BLACK!" Severus Snape shouted in outrage from the Staff's table, his pallid skin deepening into a red shade highlighting the thin puncture wound scars the dotted the left side of his neck and cheek. "HOW DARE YOU CONDUCT SUCH A DISPLAY?" _

_Headmistress McGonagall merely stood up and thinned her lips in her patented stern stare, which said to all, 'Explain Yourself!' The entire hall's student body and staff attention was then drawn to the doors again as a figure darted in on a broomstick and made a circuit around the hall before landing. Sirius shouted out a single word. _

"_Announcement!" _

_The hall gasped in shock, then cheered as it was realized, Harry Potter had come to Hogwarts. Gryffindor went into a frenzy at the hero's words _

"_So guess who went professional in Quidditch?" Harry said. Hermione took in Harry's lean frame and felt a wet heat settle in her knickers as she looked at Harry in his plume purple and matte black Quidditch Robes._

"_Oh mighty Merlin, that's the England National uniform!" a first year witch at the Hufflepuff table screamed in excitement._

Flashback End

Hermione's attention returned as Sirius was speaking.

"...your personal manager, so they gave me the letters rather they be sent to you directly"

Harry snapped the seal and unfurled the parchment, his eyes darting across the letter as his face lit up in happiness.

"I'll be the first string seeker for Britain United in the world cup tournament" Harry said.

Hermione cheered, jumped up and tackled Harry. Ginny and Demelza opened their own letters taking a moment to read them.

"I made first string Chaser in the broadside flier position for Ireland United." Ginny stated.

"Hmm..." Demelza began, "Svalbard is offering me 8,000 galleons to fly for them in the pin point Chaser position, that or I take the offer from Spain to fly second string in the phalanx chaser position."

"Well then, why don't you talk it over with me later, I've got wives to return to?" Sirius said as he got up from the table and walked out of the room.

"Well," Demelza grinned. "Do I stay naked or get dressed?"

Harry and Ginny smiled as Hermione got up and started stripping.

**AN 2:** _Since people liked the little tidbit at the end of chapter 1. _

_5th year :_

_Dean Thomas and Hermione were the Prefects. A move by Dumbledore to give the Muggleborns some weight in the darkening political situation in the school._

_Over the summer Hermione had started a casual no strings attached sex thing with fellow Muggleborn Dean Thomas._

_During the D.A. Hermione also had many fun filled shags with the Hufflepuff and fellow_

_Muggleborn, Justin Finch-Fletchley._

_Harry became a couple with Ginny, during their stay at Grimmauld place. Also at Harry's insistence his friends Luna, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Parvati, Demelza, Lavender, Susan Bones, and Hannah Abbot spent the last 3 weeks of the summer at Grimmauld Place._

_Demelza Robbins, during the Department of Mysteries battle saved Ginny, and Hermione from Killing Curses and killed Anton Dolohov with a well placed Reducto to the face. Her friends would call her the "Action Witch" till the end of her days._

_Luna saves Harry from misery by telling Harry that Sirius can be returned by forfeiting the Deathly Hallows to the veil. Hermione begins her research about them._

_Neville continued Shagging Hannah Abbott and her lover Susan Bones._

_Lavender began a Hogwarts Salon for witches. Being Pureblood, Umbridge let her do it. Lavender was able to gain Intel on the Inquisitor Squad stifling their effectiveness against the D.A._

_Parvati spent 5th year having a lesbian phase._

_Ron never made it onto the Gryffindor Quidditch team, because Draco had taunted him about Ron drunkenly sucking his cock during the Yule ball after Ron had snogged Eloise Midgen._

_Umbridge was killed by an Acromantula after getting away from the Centaurs._

_That summer, after 5th year while at Grimmauld Place, Harry and Ginny realized that while they were fun times, they knew the relationship wouldn't go anywhere and split as a couple. She started dating Dean. A "Serious Relationship" that became more than just sex._

_During a ball held in Voldemort's honor at Malfoy Manor, Draco began to doubt his father and the Dark Lord after Astoria Greengrass hadn't "Moved out of the way" fast enough for Voldemort, and he cast the torture curse on her for 10 seconds while the marked death eaters laughed._

**AN 3: Thank you! Gandalf's Bead, for the Beta-work.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

**AN: ...I got nothing lol. Enjoy...Disclaimer in Chapter 1.**

**Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon, U.K. A small village of 232 Muggle households and 3 Magical households which the Weasleys, Lovegoods, and Diggorys called home.**

Molly "Battle Axe" Weasley, a.k.a Bellatrix's Bane, was enjoying her afternoon tea. At the moment she was pretending not to have noticed Ginny meet Cedric Diggory outside Arthur's Shed, nor the rhythmic thumping of the window panes which happened to be fogged over.

"Really! Children thinking they solely invented sex, really where do they think they came from?"

Just then Molly took note that Errol jr. was dipping into the open window to deliver some post. After tending to Errol Jr. she sat at the table and unwrapped the packaging seeing the special edition issue of Quidditch bi-weekly. She felt her heart swell in pride as she looked at the cover.

In bold letters the title proclaimed '**THE FUTURE OF BRITTISH QUIDDITCH**' she took a moment to watch the covers animation charms, showing her honorary son in a seeker's spiraling dive as the purple hued font sparkled as the name_ 'Harry Potter, Seeker, England National'_ flickered.

Next the animation scene changed to her own daughter as the font changed to green and the name _'Ginny Weasley, Chaser, Holyhead Harpies'_ zipped by. Molly felt so proud and smug at that.

She watched as the scene switched through other names and stylish fly-by's such as, '_Oliver Wood, Keeper, Puddlemere United. Demelza Robbins, Chaser, Holyhead Harpy's,_

_Megan Jones, Beater Holyhead Harpy's, Ernie Macmillan, Chaser, Appleby Arrows.'_

As the animation charms reset to Harry's scene, Molly opened the magazine flipping threw the pages till she found the article she wanted to read. _"Britain United and Ireland's first string team's revealed."_

"_How can Spain Central hope to retain the world cup, with such remarkable and proper British talent being fielded this year?" _The article began.

Molly noted such things as_ "Bulgaria will see it's team veteran Viktor Krum in a captain's position this time, he has vowed revenge against Portugal and will repay the first round loss from the last cup. Undoubtedly the most looked forward to match will be our own Britain United as it will play its world cup rival, Bolivia, in the third round." _

"_Speaking of Britain United we finally reveal the first string team: In the captain's position will be Connolly O'Hara from the Wilbourne Wasp fielding the Keeper position. The witch will have some formidable talent under her command as Harry Potter makes his World Cup debut. The Seeker from England National after a perfect season of 100-0 will hope to bring home Britain's first Cup win since 1888! In the Beaters' positions are Timothy Reagan from the Falmouth Falcons, and Indris Hosterson from the Montrose Magpies. The first string Chaser trio will be, Lala Lenders from Yorkshire Hounds, Derrick Mortimer from the Caerphilly Catapults and Matthew Sinclair from the Wiltshire Peacocks..."_

Molly set down the magazine as she heard the stomping footsteps from the stairs, and sighed.

"Ron!" Molly shouted "It's 12:51 are you just now getting up?!" She hollered, red faced as Ron himself came into the kitchen.

Ron just glared at his mother and flopped into a chair at the table in response.

"Why didn't you wake me up? I missed breakfast and lunch?!"

Before Molly could retort Ron shouted.

"Bloody hell Mum I'm starving!"

Again Ron cut his mother off before she could speak and screamed red faced.

"WHY IS THAT BLOODY PRAT'S BOOK STILL HERE ON THE TABLE?!"

"ENOUGH RON" Molly herself shouted.

"NO I'M HUNGREY DAMN YOU, AND ALL YOU'VE BEEN DOING IS READING?"

Molly drew her wand and fired off a _Stupefy_, as Ron lunged across the table to grab the book.

As Ron fell on his face, knocked out, Molly could only wonder where she went wrong with the boy. The boy was 23 and jobless! He didn't even do the honorary 8th year the others had. Boy had no NEWTS, and poor OWLS results to his name...

Molly caught movement out of the corner of her eye and watched as Cedric dashed out of the Shed, and snorted in amusement as Ginny hopped on her broomstick and flew out of sight. Molly didn't need to wonder where she went as the thud from upstairs let her know all she needed.

In London, The once known Black family three story tall townhouse of Number 12 Grimmauld Place had seen a total makeover as it was now known as the Weasley Wizarding Homestead. The seven story home was painted in a headache inducing crimson, yellow, and orange swirl pattern, and the paint seemed to be charmed to in fact swirl in various patterns. And that was before you considered the animated 7ft tall statues of two red chimps which seemed to be climbing all over the building. Truly, sanity took no part in the redesign any magical citizen would think at the sight of the home.

Inside the home George Weasley was in the shower buggering one of his wives,' Angelina Weasley's, arse.

In the sun-room on the fourth floor, Fred Weasley had Katie Weasley's legs draped over his shoulders as he pounded into her witchly cauldron, on the 5 inch thick imported Persian rug.

In the children's playroom Alicia Weasley was happily taking her turn to mind the kids.

In a town known as Rowan Hills, Sirius Black sat in his office in one of the Potter properties Harry had given him, staring at a Wizengamot report on illegal polyjuice usage in Knockturn Alley brothels, and wondering why Harry wouldn't do him the favor of taking the Black Seat as proxy.

In Potter Manor in Wales, Hermione was dancing in joy at the positive + mark from the pregnancy test she had taken.

In Longbottom Manor in Leeds, England. Neville was celebrating with his wives, Hannah and Susan, as he had been hired by Headmistress McGonagall to take over the Professor of Herbology position from a retiring Pomona Sprout. Neville was very pleased to note he would also start as Gryffindor Head of House this September after the Quidditch World Cup. It would be two weeks later that he would learn Hannah had conceived the Longbottom heir this night.

In her home in Liverpool, England, Nymphadora "Tonks" Lupin, was trying to catch her breath from laughing so hard as she read _"Harry Potter and the Almighty Arousal of Moaning Myrtle."_

Getting control after several minutes Tonks turned the page and continued reading.

"_...Yo Harry-female I'm Hogwarts number one founder Godric Gryffindor the lion king thug of Blackpool, gangsta of courage!"_

_Our hero-who-turned-witch could only stare as she took in the appearance of her ancestor._

_The original wielder of the sword, was dressed in a red fedora with a phoenix feather sticking out of the brim, a red leather ankle length trench coat that had its sleeves ripped off. Gold chainmail shirt, and black leather skin tight pants._

_Harry-witch felt her girl hormones flare as she noticed Godric's 'man bulge'_

_Yo dawg I hear you like being male, Harry-female you needing the return of having a dick ya?"_

Tonks couldn't control the fit of giggles that overcame her, at the absurdity of a 'hood Godric'.

After calming down she continued, but lost it again after the next line.

"_...The ritual is easy yo' just drop them wizard-who-turned-into-a-witch knickers, and well get busy ya dig.."_

"_Ya need to build up ya energy, so eat this fried chicken, eat then greens, then drink the grape drank.."_

"_Lay down in this rune circle,...Ya just eat this raw gryphon heart while I bust them guts deep, Harry-female.."_

After tending to Teddy, Tonks tried to find her place.

"_...Tha' Salazar was just ah foo' see he didn't have any street cred...he never did any of that real shit back 'n tha day.."_

"_...Ya know like Dragon slaying, Princess saving, Kingdom building, hero training, or even feast hosting..." _

"_Never did see Salazar even kill a single evading Roman Legionnaire!"_

"_He just brewed them potions or wrote them books in snake squiggles"_

"_..Now what's this got ta do with 'um Muggle hating he was going on about ya wondering eh?"_

_Harry who was at last a male again just stared at the pimping Godric as he spoke.._

"_See tha Muggle bitches where hot as a firewhip charm right! Like they had asses so big 'n high ya could bounce a damn galleon off um" _

"_...And Salazar couldn't even get his wand licked..."_

"_But them Muggles had their females' virginity on lockdown back then. The girls even wore belts tha' blocked so much as a finger getting wet!"_

_Harry suddenly blurted out "You trying to say Slytherin hates Muggles, because of a bad case of blue balls?"_

Tonks at this point flat out passed out from laughing so hard.

In the leaky Cauldron the patrons listened in good cheer, to the Wizarding wireless as the reports from the opening round of the World Cup started coming in as matches ended.

"..._Luxemburg beats Mexico 650 to 450..."_

"_...Bulgaria destroys Russia 2,350 to 50...Russia has two chasers, and one beater in comas.."_

"_...Japan beats France 450 to 220.."_

"_...Britain United beats Norway 950 to 650.."_

"_...Ireland sweeps Uganda 850 to 0...Ginny Weasley now takes the scoring record in a single match! Beating a record held by Wiglief Gundners since 1921..."_

"..._South Korea beats Argentina 350 to 300.."_

"_...America beats Egypt 400 to 150.."_

"_...Norway beats Italy 600 to 450.."_

"_...Bolivia beats Holland 1,250 to 100...A decisive win by the number one contenders.."_

"..._Canada beats Chad 700 to 300.."_

"..._Day two of Round one of the tournament will feature these matches..."_

**AN:** _Molly I write her as having "Mellowed out over the years." The kids have grown up and found huge success in life so far... well, minus Ron ...and several grand babies make Molly a content witch. So that's why she isn't going on a warpath on Ginny. If anything Cedric is a dashing bloke from a proper Light-Side family, Who Molly wouldn't mind seeing Ginny married to. _

_Ginny was visiting her parents. She shares a London Flat with Demelza and the third Holyhead Harpy chaser. _

_Because someone asked in a PM: Dumbledore lived. He used Fawkes' tears to heal the Ring Horcrux curse. He did retire though and currently lives in Florida with his platonic companion Poppy Pomfrey. He competes in 10pin bowling competitions for fun, and touring schools in the ICW member nations where he gives free lectures on Transfiguration, Alchemy, and Politics._

_Severus Snape. He traveled the world during the repairs of Hogwarts and the honorary 8th year. _

_What was Ginny's 7th year, for reference if anyone needs about the "Honorary 8__th__ year" It was given to the D.A. Members and Muggleborn students that fled the castle. _

_Snape married a Dutch apothecary he met, who is 6'5 and has brown hair and blue eyes, and serves as Hogwarts Healer. She's noted as having a 40 DD bust._

_Horace Slughorn sits on the Hogwarts board of Governors and still runs the Slug-Club._

**AN 2:** _What happened in 6th year :_

_No argument between Harry and Hermione since Harry shared the Half-Blood Prince's book with the whole group._

_Lavender and Seamus dated_

_Ginny started having sex with Dean._

_Parvati grew bored with her lesbian phase and causally dated Wayne Hopkins a Hufflepuff._

_Ravenclaw's Mandy Brocklehurst, and Morag McDougal tried to seduce Neville._

_Romilda Vane's plot to love potion Harry failed when Hermione took the cauldron cakes and gave them to Crabbe and Goyle. Vane couldn't walk right for a week after..._

_Harry shared the Felix Felicis vial with Luna._

_Luna under the effects of the potion discovers the Crumpled Horn Snorkack, during a peaceful walk through the Forbidden Forest._

**AN 3: A** huge thanks as always to Gandalf's Beard for editing my mess!, Cheer's mate!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chatper 4.**

**AN : I think I should have added a tag of : PWP to this as well, I'll try to work on that in part 2.**

Harry was relaxing with the team in their barracks listening to the Wizarding Wireless as a panel discussed the second round.

"_...Krum is on an all out warpath!_ _The entire team from Honduras had to be medical port-keyed to Geneva, The Seeker alone had 96 broken bones!"_

"_...Krum has always been intense, you're just squeamish you dandy-wizard!"_

"_...Dandy! How dare you, I'll show you dandy, Avada.."_

_"...Stupefy, Expelliarmus..." _

"_Okay gentlemen! Why don't we take a quick break..."_

Britain United captain Connolly O'Hara turned to the team. The red haired, green eyed keeper addressed them.

"Well, one thing is certain. Bulgaria will be a nasty match, but if we beat Bolivia next in round 3 we won't see them till round 6." Connolly paused, then continued. "Now Tim," she turned to the assault Beater, "That was excellent work keeping the bludger pressure on Greece's pinpoint Chaser. Keep that up we'll need it." Connolly then turned to the defender beater.

"Indris, you were perfect! The bludgers didn't get within a mile of our trio it felt like." The captain smiled as the Chasers, the sporty brunette, Lala, and the red headed Derrick Mortimer cheered and thumped Indris on the back.

The stern Scottish Matthew Sinclair, merely said, "Indeed," while sipping his tea.

Connolly turned her attention to Harry.

"So I noticed no Wronski Feints, Harry what was with that?"

"Er... well the Honduran Seeker was too much like me. She was too used to being marked by the other seeker, like myself, so I felt it wouldn't have worked. So I stuck to the Bellias Turns and the Peregrine dives to outpace her."

Connolly nodded.

"Right then, Any thoughts on Bolivia's Seeker Harry?"

"Well, I can shut her down actually. I've studied Mendez enough to stifle her, the pressure will be on Indris, and Matthew." Harry said to the team.

Connolly then pulled out a play-board.

**Magical London, Diagon Alley, Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes:**

In the 17+ parlor Angelina was acting as World Cup bookie.

"Right, that's 10 galleons on Ginny Weasley scoring 90 points in the first hour in the round 3 match of Ireland versus Jordan, and Ireland winning by 300 points. Let me run the Arithmancy Tabulator... Right, seems if that's the condition Ireland wins you'd get 400 galleons" Angelina said to the betting Wizard.

Angelina noticed Alicia come skipping into the parlor, carrying a copy of _'Moaning Myrtle...'_

"Angelina, you have to hear this." Alicia giggled, and she began to read aloud.

"_...Real talk Harry-Wizard, ya gotta do it mon. It's some of that real shit thugs-o-courage do mon.."_

"_Well alright, what's another ritual I suppose? But err...Godrizzle Lion, it doesn't require you shagging me does it?"_

"_...Wut whack ass shit you talking? Harry-wizard, ya got ya dick back, I only give that lion-dick ta bitches.."_

"_Well I wanted to be sure..." Harry responded._

"_Now then, eat this fried chicken, then eat this watermelon, and ya better drink that grape drank.."_

_Harry rolled his eyes at this. "For energy right?"_

"_Home boy, ya sounding kind of weak, ya doubting the number one Hogwarts Gangsta?"_

"_Harry-wizard, do I gotta get the Hippogryphs ta chase ya for 5miles so you can tighten up, and train your powers sa' more?"_

"_Erm-no..." Harry said._

"_Then lets get this shit rolling dawg."_

"_Right then! Ghost Councillor's twelve front a' center homies!, start doing tha' ritual chant shit ya do."_

_Harry noticed Rowena Ravenclaw approach in her skin tight cheetah print halter top and black Capri pants, her hair done in beaded cornrows._

"'_Bad-bitch Rowena' Up in tha house" Godrizzle shouted as Rowena started waving her wand craving a rune away in the stone floor._

"_Ya eat that fried chicken?" Godrizzle Lion asked Harry._

"_Yes," Harry-the-boy-who-lived responded._

"_Eat tha' Watermelon, and drink tha grape drank?"_

"_Yes." Harry- responded._

"_Strip and get ya dick up then. Myrtle got's tha' ghost pussy needing tha deep dicken"_

"_What?" Harry asked in a incredulous tone._

"_How else this shit gonna work then?" Godrizzle Lion asked the 'Hero-who-turned-back-into-a-wizard' as he lit up a menthol cigarette._

"_Oh never mind I just want to get out of this 'space-time-fold thing'."_

"_Jive Turkey..." 'Bad Bitch Rowena' muttered to herself as she finished the rune array._

"_Oh Gorizzle array's done I'm going back to the 1970's, going to that club in New York."_

"_Gotcha 'Bad Bitch.' You gonna let me get ah nut busted later?"_

"_We'll see," Rowena said playfully, and she swayed her hips as she left the room._

"_Right then!" Godric shouted, "Show time!"_

"_Myrtle, ya just gotta lay down, take up tha missionary position ghost-witch. It's lame I know but this ritual is old as shit, and needs certain shit like tha'."_

"_Harry, ya part is the easiest, just line up ya dick and slam tha ghost pussy"_

"_See tha' rune array will do the real work. It just needs the carnal energy to fuel it." Godric explained._

_And so Harry our beloved hero took his manly position, and slid into the ghostly hole of Moaning Myrtle._

"_Oh" Harry exclaimed. "It doesn't feel like I'm shagging a bucket of ice water?!"_

"_Ya dawg. Tha' be the rune array. Now stop tha' thinking and shag her good, almost as good as I busted your female guts." Godric said to the rutting duo._

"_Oh, oh, oh," Myrtle moaned in lusty pleasure as Harry shagged her._

"_oh, oh, oh, There's a penis inside me at last, I'm not a virgin anymore." Myrtle cooed, her ectoplasm sending jolts of pleasure after 50 years throughout her ghostly remnant._

"_Ya bitch. Ya know how livin' people feel all cold and harsh shit when a ghost touch 'um? Well wha' people don' know is it feels pretty fuck'n good and warm 'n shit, for a ghost ta touch tha' live'n." Godric told Myrtle and Harry as they shagged._

_Gorizzle Lion took notice as Myrtle's transparent shade started to take a pinkish red hue, and smiled as the ritual started to really take effect, to return her to her living body._

'_Teh! Ta think tha' limp dicked Slytherin, whack ass crack'uh tho' tha Horcruxing ya soul into bit's was the way ta go, not ta mention using one to steal a witch's soul.' Godric thought to himself, as he took a few shots of Patron._

_Godric nodded in satisfaction as Mrytle reached her first of the needed seven orgasms to complete the ritual._

_Hogwarts' number one Gangsta's thoughts turned to the Boy-Who-Lived, as Myrtle shrieked in carnal passion when orgasm number two hit her, turning her transparency into a dull but thin coloring._

"_Ya boy's done some of tha' good shit us knights do: defeated a troll, killing 'ah death eater baby 'n a duel, defeat'n a possessed teacher, shagging bitches, fighting off a Acromantula swarm, killing a Basilisk-man after getting turned into a witch...ya boy's done tha good shit..."_

"_Oh Harry-Wizard, it still feel like ya humping tha hot air?"_

"_Yes," Harry responded, as Myrtle hit orgasm number three of seven, screaming in pleasure._

"_Oh!" Harry exclaimed. "Her ghostly pussy feels like damp hot air now, and I can't see through her anymore"_

"_Good, ya getting tha ritual done then. Just keep it up bro." Godrizzle Lion said._

Alicia set the book down stopping from reading out loud to Angelina, as a witch came to her stall to place bets.

Back at Hogwarts the current Gryffindors were partying in good cheer as they celebrated Harry, Ginny, Oliver, and Demelza, popular alumni of the house, as they advanced past round 5 in the Quidditch World cup.

However, the fun times halted and debates began when the Wizarding Wireless reporter said:

"_...In the sixth round. Team Ireland, with the all time highest scoring record holder since 1921 Ginny Weasley, will face off against Connolly O'Hara's sublime Britain United..."_

"_...Demelza Robbins after a stunning performance so far will lead the charge for Svalbard against Ukraine..."_

"_...The Juggernaut Bulgaria will look to continue it's rampage led by Viktor Krum, as the highly anticipated match-up against Portugal will at last be played."_

"_...Bolivia, the popular choice for the World Cup match will need to keep a weary eye on Bulgaria as it gets a pass into round 7 as Nigeria forfeits because of persistent injuries in its first string team and its reserves."_

Back at the Burrow as Ron was seething in jealously as he read Ginny's mail she had received during her visits with Molly and Arthur. Ron could only scream in impotence as the numbers from the Gringotts notes mocked him from the parchments:

_Ireland team deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For Round one team wages_

_Deposit : 5,200 galleons._

_Ireland team deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For Round two team wages_

_Deposit : 5,200 galleons._

_Ireland team deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For Round three team wages_

_Deposit : 5,200 galleons._

_Ireland team deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For Round Four team wages_

_Deposit : 5,200 galleons._

_Ireland team deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For Round five team wages_

_Deposit : 5,200 galleons._

_I.C.W. Quidditch League deposit, to Chaser. Weasley, G. to vault 1,853. For New record setting (Most goals scored in a match)_

_Deposit : 9,300 galleons._

As the brutal truth of Ron's inadequacy set him into depression, he turned to a tattered potions book he had stole from Ginny on a whim, during her yule visit in her 7th year.

The words _"...For enemies: Sectumsempra..."_ standing out to him like a beacon in the night.

Oh yes, Ron thought, the bitch would pay for embarrassing him, and stealing his fame and fortune by going into Quidditch. And when the World Cup ended later with Krum leading a brutal win, he would secretly cheer at Ginny's, and Harry's loss, while plotting an ambush at the Burrow.

In her room Molly finished reading _'Moaning Myrtle...'_

"_...Thug King Godric watched content, as Harry and Myrtle left the Space-time-fold, holding hands.."_

"_...Ya ole 'Leonidas,' ya chose well ya next wielder..." Godrizzle thought to himself as the Goblin forged silver blade known as 'The Sword of Gryffindor' which was won from the Goblin King at the time in a poker game slipped into its own space fold...waiting to be called to duty again."_

_~Fin._

"A bit more on the raunchy side, than I'm used to" Molly thought as she closed the book.

In Potter Manor Harry read a most unusual and brief post card from Luna.

"_Harry I've meet the most interesting man, here in Sweden...He makes my heart feel like it's made out of fireworks."_

**What Happened in 7th 'Ginny's 6th' year:**

Dumbledore fled the castle with the Muggleborn students. He would operate a distraction effort to keep Voldemort's focus off of Harry. (A ruse to get Snape on Voldy's good side)

Dumbledore also fought off the efforts of the 'Snatchers'.

The Horcrux Hunting team was: Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Susan Bones,

Susan joined after her aunt's assassination. (Which happened at a later date than canon).

Neville, Luna, and Ginny took over running the D.A.

Draco, having fallen in love with Astoria, helped sabotage the the efforts of the more dark Slytherins.

**The Hunt :**

Harry and crew stop at Grimmauld place first, discovering the Locket before its theft by Mundungus Fletcher and the story from Kreacher.

Luna discovers the Diadem. Parvati and Padma do an ancient Hindu ritual to cleanse the Horcrux. She sends a note to Harry and Dumbledore about it. (Luna wasn't abducted, as Xeno was hiding himself).

As it wasn't known where Susan was, she made supply runs to Diagon alley. on one of these runs she spots Bellatrix making her way to the bank, she's able to mirror call the others and they ambush Bellatrix, stealing the cup Horcrux.

Harry, wondering how to destroy the Locket and Cup, sends a letter to Dumbledore. Dumbledore said to meet up in Godric's Hallow, where he explained the Hallow triumvirate and turns the stone, and wand over to Harry, and gives him the Sword of Gryffindor.

Dumbledore then explains his theory about the scar and how Harry could possibly return from a second killing curse. The final battle was then planned, and carried out.

Dumbledore recaptures Hogwarts with little effort.

Harry calls out Voldemort in the 'Quibbler.'

Dumbledore leads the 'Of Age D.A. Members', Order of the Phoenix, rebel Aurors, rebel citizens and international mercenaries, and an ICW Black Ops task force to defend the School.

Voldemort leads his forces to the school, where Harry openly destroys the Locket, and Cup in full view of both sides and also displays the Diadem.

Voldemort flips his shit and attacks full bore, but is horrified when Snape attacks Nagini. Snape is ravaged by Nagini but makes his escape with Dumbledore assistance.

Neville picks up the sword, as Harry and Voldemort battle. He slays Nagini. Colin takes a iconic pic of Neville as he does so. (The very same pic that will be turned into Neville's Chocolate Frog card).

Voldemort hits Harry with the killing curse, only for Harry to surge to his feet mere seconds later, in full view of both sides and with a 'Bombarda' he blows Voldemort's head off.

Molly still killed Bellatrix in a duel.

Demelza Robbins, had killed Anton Dolohov in '95. As such Anton was not present during the battle to ambush Remus and Tonks with killing curses.

Ron was hit in the head from rubble, when Zacharias Smith panics and wildly cast reducto's and flee's like a little bitch when he mistook a spider crawling on his hand for being attacked by a Acromantula, in full view of the other Hufflepuff's.

Romilda Vane ambushed a dozen Death Eaters by throwing vials of love potions in their faces keyed to Hagrid...Hagrid's crossbow made short work of them.

Ancient Runes Professor Bathsheba Babbling was credited with 23 Death Eater kills and 19 werewolf kills by using rune tablets disguised as normal flooring, those tablet would explode when the dark mark was detected.

Lavender still was attacked by Fenrir, but Parvati and Sybil get to her time and save her life.

Denis Creevey, the Gryffindor who snuck in with his brother, is credited with killing Fenrir by running him through with a silver lance. He used the levitation charm to do it. (Lavender let him see her tits and touch them, as a reward after the battle).

Seamus still blew up that bridge killing over a hundred death eaters.

The Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Burbage, employed a sniper riffle from the astronomy tower to great effect.

Fawkes the phoenix, uses her magic to dive-bomb the Dementors, destroying the foul creatures once and for all.

Professor Sprout, kills the entire cohort of 200 vampires with a Mandrake and a well timed removal of a silencing charm as they arrived, for safety she culled the plant after that.

And so ends part one.

AN 2: Much Respect to Gandalf's Beard, for the Beta


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 1 of part 2 (4 years later)**

_A few days before Rita's second book, which I want to focus more on as various characters read it._

Molly "Battle Axe" Weasley a.k.a. Bellatrix's Bane was feeling like a contented witch as she looked at her Hermione-inspired Grand baby chart:

_William Weasley + Fleur Weasley: Victoire Weasley, Witch age 6, Dominique Weasley, Witch age 5, Louis Weasley, Wizard age 4._

_Charlie Weasley + Yvette Weasley: Ivan Weasley, Wizard age 4._

_Percival Weasley + Audrey Weasley: Lucy Weasley, Witch age 5, Molly Weasley, Witch age 2._

_Fredrick Weasley/George Weasley + Angelina, Alicia, Katie Weasley: Roxanne Weasley, Witch age 6, Fabian Weasley, Wizard age 6, Gideon Weasley, Wizard age 6, Prongs Weasley, Wizard age 4, Padfoot Weasley, Wizard age 4, Moony Weasley, Witch age 4_

"Oh really, I wish they'd take those tests to find out who is the father of whom!" Molly muttered to herself in exasperation about the twins, and the 3 wives they shared.

As to Ronald Weasley… Molly sighed in annoyance at Ron's lack of motivation to do...well- _anything._

_Ginevra Weasley-Robbins + Demelza Weasley-Robbins: Harry Weasley-Robbins, Wizard age 3, Primrose Weasley-Robbins, Witch age 2, Cassandra Weasley-Robbins, Witch age 1. *_

Molly looked at her chart and reveled in matriarchal pride.

The largest magical family in wizarding history, she thought to herself. And how nice for Harry and Hermione to 'stud' out Harry so that Ginny and Demmy could conceive children and know the joy of motherhood. Harry had even insisted on a stipend vault for the kids.

Glancing at the latest Weasley bank statement, she allowed herself to giggle. The Current Balance stood at 2,119,256 galleons, 456,341 sickles, 46,908 knuts.

"Hah! Killing that rabid bitch Bellatrix was one of my greatest hits! And claiming the LeStrange estate, using the 'Right of Conquest' was a nice move too," she chortled in glee.

Molly then flipped the page and read the next chart rather joyfully.

_Harry Potter + Hermione Potter: James Sirius Potter, Wizard age 5, Remus Romeo Potter, Wizard age 3, Lily Luna Potter, Witch age 1._

_Remus Lupin + "Tonks" Lupin: Edward "Teddy" Lupin, Wizard age 8, Amaryllis, Tiger-Lily Lupin, Witches 'Twins' age 1._

_Sirius Black + Renee, Aimee, Cecile Black: Sirius James Black, Wizard age 5, Regulus Jr. Wizard age 5, Cassiopeia Hermione Black, Witch age 5, Colette Black, Witch age 4, Rosette Black, Witch age 4, Juliette Black, Witch age 4._

"Really, only that Sirius Black could pull off marrying Veela triplets!" Molly mused.

_Luna Scamander + Rufus Scamander: Lorcan Scamander, Wizard age 2, Lysander Scamander, wizard age 1._

_Neville Longbottom + Hannah, Susan Longbottom: Franklin Longbottom Wizard, age 4, Alice Longbottom, Witch age 3, Amelia Longbottom, Witch age 2, Jasper Longbottom, age 1._

_Parvati Margaux + Benoit Margaux : Priya Margaux, Witch age 2, Marcel Margaux, Wizard age 1._

Molly was very amused that Ginny's friend had married a male Veela.

_Lavender White + Roland White : Parvati White, Witch age 2, Violet White, Witch age 1._

Molly wasn't sure how she felt that Lavender the werewolf had married an Incubus, even now.

_Dean Thomas + Sasha Grey-Thomas: Rose Grey-Thomas, Witch age 1._

Molly snorted in amusement as she recalled those silly rumors that Dean was doing Muggle porn, with the screen name "Mandingo".

_Seamus Finnegan + Sally Anne Perks-Finnegan: Conrad Perks-Finnegan, Wizard age 1._

Molly was very pleased to see Harry and Ginny's friends doing so well with building their own families. As she closed her chart book, she noticed Ron coming into the kitchen and sniffed disdainfully at the smell that wafted from him.

"Ron did you even take a shower?!" she scolded her son in admonishment.

"Bloody Hell! Mum you're on my case right away? I haven't even had Breakfast yet!" Ron shouted.

"Oh! On your case am I?" Molly growled, feeling like her ire had been indeed irked.

"Well, if that's how it is then, you're still without a job at 27!, You still haven't said sorry to Ginny your own sister for trying to attack her with a dark curse! Four years ago!, You smell like you spent the weekend wanking off and drinking Firewhiskey!" Molly ranted, fully in her disappointed Mother mode.

"GET OFF MY ARSE MUM, I WANT MY FOOD!" Ron yelled, so angry that his face was turning purple.

"Oh you want food? Fine! Cook some for yourself then. It's a Hogsmeade weekend and I'm going to go visit your father. I want to see him in his dashing Professor of Muggle Studies robes." Molly said, trying vainly to tame her temper.

Molly just rolled her eyes at the sound of Ron's tantrum as he screamed nonsense and threw chairs around. Ignoring him, she apparated away.

**AN:** _This is more or less a "This is what's been going on" type of status update._


	6. Chapter 6

Well folks, to the 15 people that Favorited, the works and me, and the 22 followers THANKS! I'm glad people where enjoying it!

I said before that I open up MS word and wrote each chapter in the span of 30 minutes at the most. The whole thing was done on a whim for fun I had no intention of it being some political, spiritual, intellectual masterpiece.

But! That admission seemed to cause people in PM chat to flip out a bit ( I wont name, names I'm not into that)

Then holly molly! the shear amount of nicely written "I'm reporting your story it has sex in it" (You know who you are, thank you for being calm about it, and I admit I'm still baffled on why everyone seemed to assume I'd go on a harassing tirade about it, but for those that I had the PM chats with you all know how chill I was over it and least lol.)

then of course the massive amount of "U FUCK'N BASTERD U CA' NO WROTE! I HATZ U!" seemed to required by law lol.

(I'm sorry but really I am 29 I refuse to get into some sort of 'flame war' period I'm proud to say i never have since my very first computer when I was 14 and I won't start with you, for something as silly as fan fiction that I was writing for a lark)

But if the mods yank this down oh well, I had a laugh writing it, you had a laugh reading it so that's good enough for me!

Something a bit different, but relivant to some of those PM comments : You need a job? look into those public storage companies security guards start at $11.50, $13.75 if you have your firearm cert's before hand after 5 years now I make $15.20 I got two of my friends on at the one I work at and they had no prior experience in the field. Previously they where working at a Wal Mart making a lousy $9.20

(So sorry I'm not the 'Mom's basement virgin' you wanted me to be, that would be awkward having a wife and all lol)

~Shout out to Gandalf's Beard


End file.
